


Your Soldiers, My Heart

by sleeplesscontinuum



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-19
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-08 02:40:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplesscontinuum/pseuds/sleeplesscontinuum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Beach Divorce Angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Soldiers, My Heart

Charles is awake, in the dead of night, again. Staring at the roof, and repeatedly squeezing his eyes shut, while trying to will himself into a state of sleep.

He hasn’t had a good nights sleep since Erik left, and he knows it’s not good for his health. He’s still recovering from the bullet, still coming to terms with the fact he’s trapped in this prison cell of a chair, and he’ll never be able to be seen as just Charles Xavier again. It’ll always be, Charles Xavier, paraplegic. People will always be wanting to help him.

Charles never wanted anyone’s help. He only ever wanted to help others, and now he feels he can’t even do that.

After all, who’s going to ask for help from someone who can’t even walk themselves to a bathroom.

He feels weak, and useless.

Being the only mutant of the group who didn’t have a physical power was tough on Charles, but this - feeling like an infant, and everyone thinking him so fragile - was far worse.

He thinks of what the children must whisper to each other, whenever they see him in his wheelchair.

He wonders how Erik would deal with Alex and Hank bickering. He knows that Erik would think of something to say to them - something brilliant. Alex always felt more like Erik’s son than any of the children. The anger, Charles supposes, that bond that Charles couldn’t understand and never achieve with Alex.

Charles doesn’t think he can handle the children, not without Erik to lean on.

He feels he’s letting the children down, and that he is completely inadequate - as a mentor, father, mutant, human.

He feels a tear sliding down his face, and he tries to ignore it, but that tear is the one that break the dam.

The tears are uncontrollable, and the sobbing is silent. He can feel his lip wobble, and he bites down to stop the shaking. It just makes it so much worse, because Charles realizes the sheer force it takes just to distract himself from the fact that he’s alone. He’s so fucking alone. 

The kids, and Raven, they mean the world to him, but they can never replace what Erik took when he left. There was a place in his heart, and Erik claimed it. Then the troops stormed in, tore up the land, and left it bloodied and mangled, like a battlefield. Then Erik left, and gave his marching orders, and now there’s nothing left but remnants and reminders of a horrible mess.

If Erik would come back, Charles would forgive him, a million times over. It wouldn’t matter, because nothing mattered but Erik. And without Erik nothing will matter again.


End file.
